Sunday, 25 December 2011

Day Twenty Five: 'You Better Watch Out!' by Anna McCrory

'You better watch out!'

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
But don’t feel contented instead please beware,
Because soon that old creep Santa Claus is there.

I know what you’re thinking ‘he’s just a kind old man’,
But don’t let him fool you, of course that’s his plan.
So it is only my duty to suggest ways to divert,
the world’s most successful and most famous pervert.

Now don’t be surprised, come on surely a man creeping
around your house watching you while you’re sleeping.
Is at the very least a cause for concern,
no matter how many gifts he leaves under the fern.

And you know from the songs just what he’s done
he’s even managed to get off with your mum!
so look out for the red suit, the reindeer and sleigh
And don’t let this man ruin your Christmas day!

There’s a million ways to wipe off his smile
Why not fortify your house, home alone style
or at least block your chimney with rolls of barbed wire,
or replace it all together with an electric fire.

Why not place in your kitchen a highly trained sniper,
or let loose near the tree a poisonous viper.
Perhaps speak to an expert; one who has mastered,
the ideal way to take out the bastard!

So in your house keep a hit man to get rid of the sod!
Or else buy a Rottweiler and let him do the job!
Why not instead take your glade motion sensor
filled with poisonous gas to knock out the old lecher

There really is no end to the ways you can keep,
this creep out your house so you actually sleep.
And only at last when he finally takes flight
Can you wish, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

1 comment:

  1. I enjoyed this - laughed a lot. I especially liked the barbed wire!